2 April 2015

Benedict Cumberbatch made from Chocolate? "Yes Please!" Cries Everyone

I wouldn’t blame Benedict Cumberbatch if he has stumbled through his life in a slightly perplexed manner for the last few years.  While he may possibly have envisioned success as an actor during his days at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art, he probably in his wildest fantasies never imagined himself as an object of carnal desire for the libidinous horde.  Yet now he’s been turned in to a life-size chocolate effigy which in the UK is usually where things start getting really strange.

It means that at some point in the near future, someone is going to be eating Benedict Cumberbatch. Believe me, people won’t care that it's a metaphor.

Britain’s favorite actor has gone from bit parts in TV shows like Heartbeat and Silent Witness in the early years of the century to playing Sherlock, Turing, Smaug and Khaaaaaaaan. Cumberbatch has appeared in roles which have produced a huge fan base enamored of the cultivated charm and sophisticated menace of the characters he has played.  So perhaps it was only a matter of time before some crazed fan poured chocolate over him with intent to devour his very essence – like something out of House of Wax only edible.

Only, yes, it is chocolate but without Cumberbatch within – if you see what I mean.  Chocolatier Jen Lindsay-Clark was commissioned to create the life-size chocolate sculpture to celebrate a national poll in the UK which named Benedict as the dishiest television drama actor even though it’s quite unlikely he will ever make another TV show again (bar one).

In other words (and putting it brutally honestly) he is the actor that most British people would like to bonk silly, though one can imagine that many of them would sigh “Oh Sherlock” or “Oh Alan” or “Oh Khaaaaaaaan” rather than “Oh Benedict” if given the chance of a stab at the aforementioned bonking. Needless to say, a minority would no doubt utter “Oh Smaug” instead - the British are generally (even) a little stranger than those outside of Blighty might already think.

The sculpture’s other raison d'être is to mark a TV channel, Drama, launching on their new on-demand service UKTV Play but I would dare to deduce that those behind the launch are something a little more than casual Cumberbatch devotees . For a start it’s life-size and that perhaps (no, definitely) begs the question about anatomical correctness. Not only that, it took a team of eight people 250 hours to create this homage en chocolat.  If that isn’t borderline (but very quiet and very British) hysteria then I don’t know what is.

Why more than one head has been given the chocolate treatment is something which has been perplexing me too.  I know what you're thinking as I am currently trying really, really hard not to.

We can expect a frenzy of public adoration very soon. The chocolate effigy will be going on display at Westfield Stratford, a shopping center (mall if you’re colonial) in London this Friday, 3 April.  Will it be placed behind glass?  I do hope so as otherwise Benedict can look forward to being craftily licked all over this Good Friday, the day the country goes in to its annual chocolate frenzy. One can only wonder, what next for Mr Cumberbatch? Perhaps a life-size statue made from albumen and vitellus.  Yes, I know, you’re groaning already.  I am of course talking about Eggs Benedict.

Photo credit Matt Alexander/PA Wire via Taylor Herring.